The Wedding Vow

   "Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy matrimony."

   I, (name), take you (name), to be my [opt: lawfully wedded] (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or  worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish.

   Before these witnesses I vow to love you and care for you. I take you with all your faults and your strengths as I offer myself to you with all my faults and strengths. I will help you when you need help, and I will turn to you when I need help.

   I will rejoice with you in our blessings and triumphs, and choose you as the (man/woman) with whom, unto God through Christ, I will spend my life; from this day forward as long as we both shall live.

   With this ring, I thee wed.

“For yours are the eyes that have seen every great deed of God; which He hath done. Therefore shall ye keep all the commandment which I am commanding thee, today; that ye may be strong, and so enter and possess the land, whither ye are passing over to possess it; and that ye may prolong your days upon the soil which God sware unto your fathers, to give unto them and unto their seed; a land flowing with milk and honey.

For the land which thou art entering to possess, not like the land of Egypt it is, from whence ye came out; where thou didst sow thy seed, and then water it with thy foot, like a garden of herbs: but the land whereinto ye are passing over to possess it, is a land of hills and valleys; which of the rain of the heavens, doth drink water: a land which the Lord thy God careth for; continually are the eyes of the Lord thy God upon it, from the beginning of the year, even unto the end of the year.” Deuteronomy 11:7-12

   God’s will is for a man and woman to be married. Marriage is the witness of belonging through selfless faith, by a husband to his wife and a wife to her husband. This is why the unmarried search with a yearning, a longing, to belong whether it be personal companionship, a career, hobbies, or entertainment. As said elsewhere, “The nation does not justify the Gospel; the Gospel justifies the nation.”

   Likewise it is with marriage: Marriage does not justify the vows; the vows justify the marriage. Thereafter, having passed through the turnstile of independent will into shared togetherness, each the couple’s in-laws no longer have the decision making clout to decide what is best for either party – irrespective of financial considerations. Though people could, and should, get married in any setting that suits their fancy the primary and always number one reason for the existence of a churchhouse sanctuary is founded around the marriage ceremony.

   It is a place of public signification where the man’s parent’s authority in agreement with the woman’s parent’s authority transfers their combined concern into the hands of God. Most jurisdictions require two witnesses to sign the marriage license and any other witnesses aside from their parents are intercessory witness in lieu of both their parents’ permissions. For this reason, marriage is a natural witness to others as an example that God created people to belong to Him by accepting His permanence.

   God’s permanence is found by faithing expectation. Therefore, because of the no-matter-what of marriage companionship, career, hobbies and entertainment find their direction, their fulfilling rationale. Nobody wants to be a failure and when the two unique puzzle pieces of a man and woman work not independently, but together as a unit; God’s Word through their shared agreement can accomplish anything. The Created patterns set forth by our heavenly Father for our security and well being are establishing a walk of faithful belonging.

   A baby first has the senses of belonging to his or her mother. As extended awareness unfolds the child realizes faith in belonging to the father, knowing the mother belongs to the father as the father belongs to the mother; later on, the child trusts to ‘untrust’ his or her belonging faith in his or her parents while realizing a transient belonging to his or her own self as of the parents’ family name. This naturally leads to desires to belong to a mate where joint trust in faith, in Christ's Name, finds unity in belonging to God the Father.

   Marriage is the only institution in which any person, and therefore all people, can find the protective strengths of determinations of resolution in daily discovered joys. Expressed will of the freedoms to choose a moment’s fulfillment of desire finds its clearinghouse of acceptance for who one is. And, the filtering out of who one is not, by deliberate agreement in discussion and sharing between a man and woman through their promised unconditional recognition of identity of and for each other.

   Some people hypothesize that a wedding is a funeral of self-expression, the death of a man’s or a woman’s singularity of independent thought and action. But, it is precisely the opposite. A wedding brings together the yearning desires for completeness in the strengths of identity for each. It is the answer of supply to their already missing private securities… securities that have previously sought to find personal attainment through a job or hobby and/or through community interests.

The wedding is the beginning of permanence where society no longer holds the reins of individualism. Individualism, by the virtues of promised trustful marriage companionship, is authenticated and reinforced by naturally inbuilt safe haven permanence.Respect for marriage is the single arena of human endeavors that finds full collaborative jurisdiction of church and state in protecting life, property, and privacy. The day-by-day formation of this one and only place of protective ongoing foundational authority is seen in three aspects of living:

1. God through Christ’s Word of creative authority – 2. The man and woman through their living marriage vows word of active authority – 3. The state or government word of authority through a marriage certificate or license. Married security is realized with respect from God Himself by His will through Christ’s living power of redemption ‘from above’. Married security is realized with public respect through law and is supported ‘from below’ as society honors a couple’s positions of together decisive legal commitment to uphold their household.

   For the reasons of his wedding vow a man is fully responsible, in Christ, for anything and everything his wife is and does. As a man knows what he is saved to in Christ, and from of the world, his will of promise by and in the vow of marriage aligns with God’s will of Creation in His Word Jesus Christ, with his wife’s word of will. Like so, as a woman knows what she is saved to in Christ, and from in the world, her will of promise by and in the vow of marriage aligns with God’s will of Creation in His Word, in tandem with her husband’s word of will, in Jesus Christ (In the English language: ‘Joshua’, God the Father's saving grace of mercy).

   God’s will is founded, by a man’s promise connecting with a woman’s promise, in accepting the responsibilities of loyalty, devotion, and commitment given as an example by Jesus Christ, in His faith according to His Word of promise, to face the Cross. Because our Father above is alive and well to lead and guide the moments, contrary words of influencing will from any other(s) are, then, an abomination to the shared word of will of the couple married unto God’s will.

   If you are under a vow of marriage at this time, God honors the promise you have to and with your spouse. A man is the defender of a house as a woman is the keeper of a house; together they are the protector of a house under a name.  Whatever your circumstances are, God is greater than any hardship or difficulty the adversary is using to disrupt the witness of “the two as one in Christ”. Faith and trust in Him provides the courage to reach out over a chasm or boundary where fear of troubles hinders healing relations.

   Marriage is God’s designed format for processing the usual resentful grudges we encounter about circumstances into a cooperative triumphant gratitude. When we feel depressed and emotionally distraught the responsibility may or may not be ours. Usually, we are partially what the difficulty is. But, we do not own what we feel is wrong, Jesus does. "...as the church is unto Christ, so is the wife unto the husband." We are lost to who we are by allowing circumstances to become what we are - it is the why of redemption.

   In marriage a man completes a woman where a woman needs completion and a woman completes a man where a man needs completion. Together, a woman was designed by God to be the "help meet" for the man by meeting him where he needs help. The man of a marriage is responsible to his wife in ways a woman of a marriage does not have the capacity to be of herself because, just as women are different from men in all aspects of their being in a complimentary way, men have attributes that function to their fullest when the marriage bond is recognized as the reality of "two as one".

   As a woman accepts a man’s name, she chooses to be an authority along with her husband by relinquishing her parents’ authority. This way dignity and respect can be given to his and her parents as the man and woman, as husband and wife, are free to jointly respond to the daily call of God. Marriage is not solely, or even primarily, for the purpose of procreation. Traditional sources recognize that companionship, love and intimacy are the primary purposes of marriage, noting that woman was created in Genesis 2:18 because "it is not good for man to be alone," rather than because she was necessary for procreation.

   Authority is not the power to “be in command” as worldly wisdom deems it to be. Authority in loving companionship comes only through a man being fully accountable, unto God, for everything his wife and underage children are and do; a woman, being one with her husband, shares his accountability of authority… as everybody is in Christ as He accepted His death in our behalf. God’s plan for authoritative intercession requires understanding that His accountability for us, to lift us up into Christ’s Resurrection, is produced in our proper respect for the positions our married partner has according to His patterns of accountability.

   This is why it is important for children not to be swayed to disrespect the word of faith of his or her parents where a woman’s word of faith in God through Christ is actuated through the personal cross her husband carries for her – and the personal cross they together carry for their children. This can be understood when looking at a business where the owner has accountability to his or her employees to provide customers quality merchandise and proficiency. Certainly, if employees, adverse competitors, and thieves disregard and undercut the owner’s business efforts, the business will suffer, but the owner and his wife still remain accountable.

   The most common reason for marriage difficulties is the intrusion of influences of will from outside the bond of the ones married. Being involved with others, even within an extended family, does not mean having an interest in being involved in their private business and affairs. The only place where there are no barriers to guard privacies is within the exclusive oneness of marriage – between the husband and wife. A man has proper authority to speak to others for his wife and a woman has proper authority to speak to others for her husband. Neither has proper authority to speak in opposition against their mate to or with anyone.

   When a man and woman marry, they are no longer independently making decisions for themselves because each affects the other according to their vows. Decisions are always considered with respect to the spouse. Independent decision making in marriage reflects the habits of immaturity and self interest. The involvement of becoming one with another in marriage includes accepting all that may be immoral and unconstructive about our spouse, where honesty and faith looks to helping one another improve, as well as the positive reasons we marry.

   Part of the hope of promise God provides is a working out in faith and trust a companionship He designed for growth unto Him. What a sensible woman looks for in a responsible man is his stability to appreciate her and retain the respect and dignity of their togetherness by meaning what he says and following through. As she understands that life has its pitfalls, he is comforted by the strength of their unity to forge through difficulties.

   Part of what makes men different from women is men don't play pranks and manipulate others to get what they want. That is what women do as part of their dance of romance. It does not mean a man does not respond in play to a woman's teasing nature, it means his understanding brings an appreciation for the attention he receives in a joyfully positive (sometimes chastising) way.

   The gender identity mess we have in our communities is because men have forgotten to be men - and women have forgotten to be women because of it. One of the hidden battles between the two is a confused territorial dispute over which role each is playing. Thus, we fall into using and being used as if we are appliances. Being one with another allows one to see their own vulnerability reflected from their spouse.

  When people refer to a man’s feminine side they are recognizing a man’s natural, God given, responsible, empathetic, insightful sentiments to attract and marry a woman to be his wife – to be somebody with somebody in exercising their honest validation of personal/social purposes in living. And, of course, when a woman’s masculine side is spoken of, it is recognition of a woman’s responsible empathetic intuitions to attract and marry a man to be her husband who gives to her a social standing in his name, in Christ’s Name, while honestly validating their personal purposes in living.

   As people are running from salvation, by running from themselves, they unwittingly look for a scapegoat in their partner to relieve the overload of holding responsibilities Christ took on Himself for us. When the benefit of doubt seems to be lost to personal opinion is where a couple’s weaknesses are at odds with their strengths. Admiration feeds emotions of insufficiency while appreciation becomes bound to disappointment as the complex cares of a day carry troubles.

   Escaping pressures of emotional overload, without a joint reliance unto God, has gradually led to replacing the term ‘fornication' with a distorted synonym; ‘relationship' where the idea of social interaction accepts irresponsible intimate involvement as a sharing fulfillment. The Bible says, “God is Love” so we cannot ‘make’ love during unmarried physical intimacy – it rather makes proper loving more difficult.

   There is a satirical resentment for honest marriage communication because men and women feel inadequate to solve issues of conflict. This is expressed through the onerous use of the terms “lover”, “boyfriend”, “significant other”, etc. So, in the United States, more women than men apply for divorce.

   We do not know whether these women have generally found it easy to get other husbands, or whether their new condition seemed to be better than the old. But, we do know community trends and pressures have more men and women casting aside respect for marriage to embrace instant gratification.

   There are no exes, only the whys of misdirected motivations. The term; “shacking up” for a few hours, days, or years is understood to apply to couples who try to lift their pride of self by believing in a special exclusion from ethical moral standards of self-respect - and responsible respect for the others around them in daily living.

   Accordingly, the frequent appeal to the divorce courts by American women is a comparatively recent phenomenon, and is undoubtedly due more to emotion, imaginary hopes, and a hasty use of newly acquired freedom, than to calm and adequate study of the experiences of other divorced women.

   If the present facility of divorce should continue fifty years longer, the disproportionate hardship to women from the practice will probably have become so evident the number of them taking advantage of it, or approving it, will be much smaller than today. The social evils of easy divorce are so obvious that the majority of Americans undoubtedly are in favor of a stricter policy.

   One of the most far-reaching of these evils is the encouragement of lower conceptions of conjugal fidelity; for when a person regards the taking of a new spouse as entirely lawful for a multitude of more or less slight reasons, a sense of obligation toward a present partner can not be very strong or very deep. Simultaneous unions cannot seem much worse than successive plurality of sexual relations.

   A husband and wife who become divorced for a trivial cause are less faithful to each other during their temporary union than the average couple who do not believe in divorce. Similarly, easy divorce gives an impetus to illicit relations between the unmarried, inasmuch as it tends to destroy the association in the popular consciousness between sexual intercourse and the enduring union of one man with one woman.

   Another evil is the increase in the number of hasty and unfortunate marriages among persons who look forward to divorce as an easy remedy for present, and/or past, mistakes. Inasmuch as the children of a divorced couple are deprived of their normal heritage, which is education and care by both father and mother in the same household, they almost always suffer grave and varied disadvantages. Additionally, there is the injury done to general moral character.

   Indissoluble marriage is one of the most effective means of developing self-control and mutual self-sacrifice. Many salutary inconveniences are endured because they cannot be avoided, and many imperfections of temper and character are corrected because the husband and wife realize that thus only is conjugal happiness possible. On the other hand, when divorce is easily obtained there is no sufficient motive for undergoing those inconveniences that are so essential to self-discipline, self-development, and the practice of altruism.

   All the objections just noted are valid against frequent divorce, against the abuse of divorce, but not against divorce so far as it implies separation from bed and board without the right to contract another marriage. The Church permits limited separation in certain cases, chiefly, when one of the parties has been guilty of adultery, and when further cohabitation would cause grave injury to soul or body.

   If divorce were restricted to these two cases some pretend that it would be socially preferable to mere separation without the right to remarry, at least for the innocent spouse. But it would surely be less advantageous to society than a regime of no divorce.

   Where mere separation is permitted, it will in a considerable proportion of instances need to be only temporary, and the welfare of parents and their children will be better promoted by reconciliation than if one of the parties formed another matrimonial union.

   Moreover, experience shows that when divorce is permitted for a few causes, there is an almost irresistible tendency to increase the number of legal grounds, and to make the administration of the law less strict. The absolute prohibition of divorce has certain moral effects that contribute in a fundamental and far-reaching way to the social welfare.

   The traditional reason a man's name is extended to a woman in marriage is based in the general assumption of a man carrying the responsible position in society as a woman responds to this authority in accepting his companionship and protections. As what has been termed 'equal rights' have been fought for and won by women, and other factions, the seat of authority has shifted to an autonomous/independence where responsibilities rest on the individual, no matter the gender.

   However, the give and take of the natural roles with respect to men and women has not kept pace with social changes. This led to a rating of others according to situations of self expression without regard to respect and dignity.

   We have "positive laws" that keep sexual relationship within a safe and trusted environment. This environment is called marriage where most married people wear a symbol recognized by our entire population on the third finger of the left hand. The wedding ring represents a barrier to intimate involvement with others not a legal partner of the marriage.

   The ring also represents a trust by everyone that personal trusts of the rights to privacy and sexual relations are kept within the confines of purity and integrity. So, any consensual involvement of a personal and/or sexual nature outside of marriage is an affront to the healthy structure of our entire society.

   Our marriage laws are in place to protect the individual and society but there are laws contradictory to the laws of marriage which recognize behaviors in opposition to the marriage bond and what it means. What was accepted as a norm in times past has gradually become a seemingly impossible ideal to consider. Consequently, many people who have the collective voice of sense: (If a man is not married to a woman there should not be the sharing of personal privacy and sexual intimacy) are disgusted with the attitudes and whims of modern ways.

   Very many people agree with and honor the spirit of our marriage laws, including people involved in the activities they profess to oppose, that the only place intimate relations should be lawfully permitted is marriage. This solves many of the confusing issues surrounding the decisions about which behavior, with whom, and what age, should be considered a crime or a celebration. Muckraking and punitive meddling would cease, and the HIV epidemic would gradually fade to nothing. If everyone were to live by the same standards of ideals, we would have the strength in trust to succeed in our daily lives.

   A man and woman must be very cautious when married not to quench the Truth of the Spirit of God through rebellion standing off against His ways of covenant vows. Because God takes sincere note of marriage as His highest esteemed family bond between people, the door of His Gospel witness to eternal salvation, through obedience to His will, most probably is one’s mate. Neither husband or wife, as human beings, is absolute in their perfection in holiness. And neither can possibly be aware of the ramifications of their witness in God’s plans day by day before Him and people. Who is to say which of either partner in a marriage is the witness of salvation to whom?

“My wife and I respectfully asked you to assist us with our struggles. Not to be subjugated to your ideas and ideals… owned by your self-absorbed false modesty; your hatred-based-out-of-kilter faith, exercised in efforts to escape the fears over your own hidden failures.”   ~ confidentially, Anonymous

What may we do?

1st Corinthians 6; 7:1-17

   In the order of belonging in creation everybody belongs to God. A man belongs to his wife as a woman belongs to her husband. Pre-adult children belong to their parents but parents do not belong to their children. A family belongs to parents and children at all levels of maturity and relation but those same people do not belong to a family because they all, again, belong to God. Society belongs to people in the same way of order where society belongs to family but family does not belong to society; and so on where a state belongs to cities that do not belong to the state and a church belongs to the people but the people do not belong to the church.

   God designed a woman to be of her husband, as the husband is of Christ, Who is of God. The first, and always, step to resolve interpersonal intimate companionship strains, tribulations, and seemingly unsolvable differences of temperament, opinions, and materialistic issues is for a woman to go to her husband, to be with him, and to stay with him. Anybody who is a ‘prodigal’ husband or wife is assured that despite fears, anger, and disappointment their spouse has a place for him or her; just as Christ has a place for them both together.

   It is for a man and woman to share with each other any oppositional pressures and suggestions from others who may not realize they are being used by the adversary in attempts to ruin a marriage witness. Satanic “divide and conquer” procedures of destruction are the same today as they always have been. The popular mind is rightly impressed with the thought that marriage is an exclusive relation between two persons, man and woman, and that sexual intercourse of itself normally calls for a lifelong union of the persons entering upon such intercourse.

   The gift realistic women give to men is to be responsive in faith to the leading of her man, to trust God in all circumstances, by allowing her husband to be the man he is. A married man cannot be in obedience to God’s purposes of will without his wife helping him, just as a woman cannot be in obedience to God’s purposes of will without her husband helping her. The gift realistic men give to women is the freedom of expression to be the woman she is. Together, as each relies in keeping the other aware of their successes and failures, they find God’s attending guidance in the midst of their sharing.

   In cases of infidelity and/or lack of self control, the involved man and woman in contrary respect for either’s marriage are subject to the rights of the husband with his wife, with the woman’s priority of rights within the authority of marriage with her husband over the rights of an involved other man. Self respect, the joy of satisfaction with integrity of purpose, and honesty about our shortcomings are measures we all can carry in the ways in which we allow God’s Word to be our word in our interactive decision making with others.

   But, as imperfect human beings under God’s grace, we do make errors in judgment when our emotions overrun our dutiful respect for reputation. Any child a woman bears is under the name authority of her with her husband as name authority takes precedence over blood issues. This is because under the old covenant of the Law (Old Testament) blood inheritance carried precedence in establishing an inherited name. Under the new covenant of Faith (New Testament) a name of unity in promise carries the grace and mercy to adopt blood ordinances under Christ’s authority in the name of a man married to a woman.

   The name inherited through marriage ceremony is of Christ in His Spirit of Truth of fulfilled promise. A woman intent upon honestly serving God may ask Him in prayer, “Take me to my leader!” and He is sure and true to provide the way. But, as Paul’s ministry is an example to us, it will not be easy like in a dream; but, there is nothing more real and literally evermore worthwhile. One problem many parents struggle with is vicariously living through their children’s lives because they are not allowing Christ to live through their own. Additionally, children are clever to take advantage of their parents’ generosity to leverage their parents’ misgivings for personal profit.

   Regarding custody issues, an underage child is the full responsibility of a man and woman together who are married. As for “real dad” concerns, whether or not a natural biological father desires responsible involvement in his child’s life, makes no difference to the choices of authority God has through the union of marriage between a natural birth mother and her present husband. A woman’s needs and desires cannot be the same as, but must always be in unison with, her husband’s as God’s desires take into account who each of the pair is in His overall expectations…

   Any children born to a woman, no matter when or whose biological source, (including any infidelity or other reason after a date of marriage) belongs to the authority of a marriage in God’s name, in his or her parent’s name. A woman’s husband, whether or not a child’s natural father, is the child’s fully responsible father, under the child’s mother’s consent to be one with her husband in all things through the initial vows of marriage.

   The initial vows of marriage are ongoing living vows, real in God’s Word in His dynamic leading day to day, by and through the man and woman’s faith togetherness. To overstress the point for emphasis; men are designated by God as the primary examples of leadership in our families, and therefore society, in its many offices based in marital togetherness. An unwed mother, whether divorced or never married, has no legitimate father or dad for her children.

   This is remedied in the fullest sense by marriage to a man who then is recognized, again through the wedding vow agreement before God, as a full-fledged parent in all aspects and senses of the term. Strength of character, the backbone to practice self-control by refraining from intimate involvement unless married, is the gift realistic men give to women as opportunities of freedom in trust to protect their mutual integrity through the choices they encounter.

   Lest there is concern considering where any of us find ourselves at present regarding our matrimonial state, we need to start from where we are. God is attendant to respecting a man’s and a woman’s individual personal requests for living each of their joint lives. However, when married, each one’s own independently chosen requests of Him are considered by Him as a joint request. As two opposing teams in a ball game both pray to win, neither team is sensible in asking of God to put a victory over another’s defeat. Making lemonade from lemons may be the wisdom of mankind, but a matrimonial promise is in the eternal realm of God.

   Who a man is is who his wife is with him, and who a woman is is who her husband is with her. Take one from the other and the other has been taken from the one of the two they are. To either remove a husband from his wife or a wife from her husband puts both into living as who they are not to compensate for who they are. Neither can rightly function in “who they might have been” because of their lost shared influences, mutual witnessing, and daily faith action practices, through each other to each other from God.

   Having chosen the requirement of continual obligation to a spouse, we realize a conscious freedom away from social impulse in choosing to respond or not to respond to anyone else, because our primary loyalty is conscientious to the office of our honorable union. That is why the words "I love you" do not have the decisive level of shared commitment as the words; "Will you marry me?" where, after a wedding ceremony, “I love you” means much more.

  Fear is not the same as doubt, with confidence in God's provision, whether we are single after one or more failed marriages or married at present to a second (or more) spouse, we find our reaching out to God and His grace of mercy brings us to the place where we can be freed from the responsibilities of wrongdoing, through repentance, in order to faithfully live out the rest of our natural days together with our present marriage partner.

   If single after a divorce, and without the possibility of reconciliation to our former spouse, we can be assured there is someone who we are open to meet and marry as naturally as the moments bring uncontrived friendships. One may be skittish with new possibilities while trusting their faith in Christ for safety's sake. Extreme caution must be kept to press matters with intentional search dating (internet or otherwise) or turning to a convenient "shoulder to cry on". Without faith it brings to the fore a striving to serve oneself at the expense of allowing God’s will for our life to bring about His better plans. 

   There is a fundamental and basic reality of the difference between men and women. It is not the what about the two that makes them different, it is the why. In that regard, a woman has a legitimate physical reason for an attitude of graceful covering while a man does not. The tension of naturally designed instinct causes a yearning in a woman to reach out to the man that has no reason for a sense of graceful covering.

   Through the process of intertwinement of becoming one in and of marriage, a man (by virtue of his forthrightness) becomes responsible for the covering of the woman in a way of grace that gives to the woman a comfort of protection she cannot provide herself and to the man a sense of strength of reason for accomplishment. If the two understand to appreciate the meaning, there can be an end to the conflict of the difference between the two.

   Though expressions of romance by gifts, and other means, shows admiration that affirms our direction of devotion to our spouse, worthiness to love and be loved is not a negotiable commodity. Love is a Blessing from God bestowed through His promised response to our marriage vows.

   Jesus Christ took care of our worthiness many years ago. Our duty in response is to allow His victory to work its work through trust together in Him. It is how foibles and disappointments of differences are brought together and transformed into the respect and honor we desire with our mate.

   Helping and being helped by others should never encroach into motives of intrigue or be in a way that loads the married couple into a consequence of emotional obligation. Decisions to accept and/or extend the gracious generosity of the strengths of family from within the broader family unit can find growth and prosperity through honoring God with our works without trying to control the outcome of our gifts via conditions and incentives.

   Conditions and incentives used to rear children are the sole responsibility of the parents, are cast aside by concerned others to respect the parent's authority, and become God's territory of jurisdiction in Christ as a man and a woman become one unto Him through their marriage vows.

   As long as an unmarried child is under responsibility to his or her parents, the parents have authority of "need to know" about the activities and private affairs of their children while the children remain respectful and uninvolved in the privacy of their parents. In multi-family households, influential decisions of interest from parents to their married children must refrain from intrusion to honor the married couple's responsibility unto God in their bond of the marriage.

   But, with education and social trends being what they are influenced to being, the clarity of purpose becomes inverted and the compensation becomes money where money knows nothing of why. Money is unable to replace grace and dignity of purpose in the strengths of mutual integrity because money itself is an exchange medium.

   Marriage is not an exchange medium. It is an integration of two into the strength of one according to respective roles. A woman’s shield of protective grace over manipulative intrusions, through faith in God, is in the office of her husband’s position in Christ’s victory, and is not dependent upon her husband’s personal degree of righteousness or wealth, even though the strength of faithful unity between a married man and woman builds enhanced clout against adversities.

   There is an underlying satanic motive of influence in evolutionary thought that is (by replacing God with money) to remove a husband's responsibilities unto God for everything his wife is and does. Women forget much of the joys of appreciation God designed - men throw aside their dignity of applied grace and mercy.

   The rules are written to guide the thoughts of those who stray, but the fascinations of emotional excitement catch away attention unto resentment. When we realize our awareness of life is a gift from God according to His word, we can place our entire being with all its desires, cares, and concerns in His able hands through our partner.

   We usually are blind to the trust of faith the moments we encounter contain, but understanding we have a purpose for our living that God knows more about than we do, brings a brightness of hope and commitment to our loved ones that takes time to grow into. God gave people each other – but the adversary works to divide and destroy through resentment.

   Running off at the mouth will cause the feet to soon follow. Better to wholeheartedly spill out to your husband or wife than to steep other family members, friends and co-workers, and the neighbors in strife. Chronic complaining in the guise of compassionate concern is a self-motivated cover of manipulation, role-playing legitimate indignation over evil difficulties, to get from others what God has already supplied – if He were to be obediently asked.

   The process of reaching out to others instead of to who one is married for comfort, stability, togetherness, and a sense of well being is adultery because it denies respect and Honor. Marriage means the man and the woman are one unto God with the acceptance that others cannot take the place of God’s leading in daily life.

   Forgiveness doesn’t say a wrong matters not. It accepts the price Jesus paid and allows compassion to identify honest pathways of healing. This, of course, establishes the proper relational patterns within a family where children learn by example to obey their parents as their parents are in obedience to God through maintaining their respective roles as husband and wife.

   During the wedding vows before society and unto God, a man takes authority for his wife's sake unto God with the signification of giving his name with a ring of sealing, and the woman takes authority through her husband this way unto God. Any influences from others contrary to respect for the bond of the two as one is an affront to the union before God Himself.

   As the entire world is reconciled in Christ through faith as His bride, it is an example of God’s Gospel of mercy and grace for a man and woman, husband and wife, to openly trust God by openly faithing their honesty to each other to overcome any difficulty. We forget that God’s reality of power responds to our reliance in His active care and concern for us for His name sake. The value behind the values of marriage is shared encouragement.

   The joys of God's creativity are that He upholds His Word. That is the example that never fails. Each of us is specific and there are no substitutes. That is one of the reasons it is a blessing to wear our wedding bands - they are a symbol of His fulfilled promises.

   "Whatsoever is not of faith is sin." Where there are no secrets together unto God, there is no strife of resentment to separate. And, remember, God has a process for healing - time and distance never healed anything.

Being Wanted

Teenage son to dad: “How can I tell the difference between the devil giving me trouble and God punishing me?”

Dad to son: “God will never use the devil to punish you. In fact, He is not in the punishing business. While you are in my charge I am working for our heavenly Father for your sake. It is I who am in the place to decide any punishment when you need correction. He holds me responsible for whatever you do, whether I am aware of it or not, because of the promises unto Him your mother and I have. Whatever problems you are having are mostly from yourself or other people who do not respect your dignity as a person.”

Son: “Well, how do I know when the devil is causing me trouble?”

Dad: “Twenty four hours a day the devil is causing you, me, and everyone else trouble… usually in ways to divert your attention to put yourself above those around you. He uses good things for the sensations of experience to alter your perception separately from appreciating why and for whom those good things exist. The more and close those who care for you are, the more the devil works to twist your senses to anyone who is self-interested and away from your duties in who you are to myself, your mother, and the family.”

Son: “But, I need to be myself and not feel like a gear or a robot. I need my friends and I need to be who I am without feeling like a tool.”

Dad: “Nobody can take away from you who you are. Many people think they are who they are because of what things they can do with what they have. Life and living is about who you respect, not for what they do for you or what they can get for you, but because they wish you to be well, strong, and assured of your strengths in faithful trust.”

Son: “Okay. Uh… there’s something I need to tell you then. Something I did to cause a lot of trouble…”

   Am I wanted? This is the eternal question. Marriage means being wanted for the extent of one’s life. Whether personal desires, conflicts, perceptions, needs, and wishes are realized in any particular or general way has no bearing to augment or alter being wanted. Any troubles, hardships, and difficulties that arise in working to work out our needs for security, health, and well being are the harsh realities of the human condition.

   All things, whether anyone is trusting in faith in God through Christ, are in, of, and by the Word of God. We, mostly without realizing it, use our words, actions, and silence to communicate our place in Christ, unavoidably from His viewpoint, no matter if the messages of intent are of the world’s postulations, whims, and defenses; or of Him in respect for His cares and concerns for us all.

   As in verbal, physical, and written sharing of one’s views, silence can be interpreted in many indecipherable ways: Offensive/defensive attacks against another or others, as well as respect for the dignity of another or others for their position(s) with regard to business, family, marriage, and ultimately God through our actions and reactions.

   Companionship, in respect for the positions a man and woman hold to each other, and their respect from their children for their promise, is above and beyond any situation and circumstance of desire and need children, other relatives, friends, acquaintances, etc. may impose. When we “play the field” as a team member or a wannabe spectator, we are distancing ourselves from ourselves and whomever it is that needs us to be in their care and in our care for them.

   The most common intrusive anti-faith theft of marriage unity comes not from wandering wondering enticement toward the world’s offerings in attempts to fulfill one’s own instinctual ‘lusts’ without regard for one’s place within their marriage. Derision, dishonor, and infighting usually comes in the form of isolating disrespectful pressures from within the broader immediate family surrounding a married couple:

   Doting self-serving grandparents, in-laws, and whomever takes selfish interest in the guise of helpful financial support, wisdom, and guidance steal the rearing of children from their parents by assuming parentage roles in ways that pry wedges between a man and woman’s God given leading in practicing their loving attentions. God wants us. But, He wants us to respect who we are unto others and who others are unto us.

   Through meddling know-it-all ‘helpful’ others we get the impression we are left on our own without God’s protection - that He does not want us depending on what we do or do not do. But, we know there are people close and far away in poverty starving to death who have “done no wrong” as far as we can tell. We know that if our own conditions were the same, we would be dying as they are.

   In order to find some sort of justification for continuing on, without lying down beside those others and dying in hunger with them, we all together think to do three things: help them, ignore them, and blame them. In doing this we are portraying our own perceptions about Who God is and who we believe we are in opposition to our resentment of God for not reaching down Himself to care for the unfortunate. “Certainly if God does not want them, why should I be one to go against His will.”

   Many people have learned untoward value judgments formed by what others do and do not do. The main reason these mortal drains against our senses of better ways of living are disrupting the purposes we have for love and togetherness is we are not sure how to practice our bonds of promise. Talking and not talking about people, aside from their presence (except the exclusive private sharing between a married man and woman), instead of talking to them in their presence is most of why.

   Overcoming adversity is not in overcoming our anger by overcoming our loved one’s attitudes we are averse to accepting – either by harassment or separation. Overcoming adversity is based in the decision to let our wives and husbands know we are wanted. Letting our spouse know he or she is wanted is founded in understanding faith in Christ over any pitfalls of circumstance we may encounter by not hiding our fears.

   Children, naturally needing instruction and direction in their perceptions and understanding about life to appreciate respect for authority and esteem for care, do not have the presence of mind, experience, and meaningfully appreciated dedication through faith and experience to realize what the vows of marriage, beyond what they can personally get to please their playing, mean.

   Doing for children, as God does for us, is used by children to get us to do what they want – the same as our desires for God to do for us are dependent upon what we can get from Him without our realizing His expectations for us. We deem God’s expectations for us to be what is beneficial to please our desires… and our desires tend to be not His, but our own.

   Children who are envious rather than appreciative of their parents’ together attentions, tap into immature jealous manipulation in ways to draw attentions for their selves. Some will say and do anything to separate a marriage, and keep it separated, for the sole purpose of retaining a controlling false authority. A child of distorted understanding will sneak, lie, cheat, steal, malign, vandalize, and create general havoc that is many times near impossible to detect and correct because the core of their diversions are reflections of their diverting self-interest.

   Children grow up and, with practice, get increasingly skilled in hiding their use of others by blaming yet more others (and/or a ‘just-happened-that-way’ avoidance). Many adults of whatever age and “natural wisdom” are immature in their understanding of what it means to respect themselves and others in their God given places in life. This rating and judging of others is a rating and judging of their-selves for having not matured into responsible citizens of the world unto God.

   Behind the scam is hatred for evil and what evil can do that finds a false avenue for expression binding and blinding proper sensibilities about what having, and doing without, means to personal control over others without dependence in God through faith in Christ. This twisted ego monster covers its greed by feigning protectionism against poverty – labeling “unwarranted hardship” as categories of disdain for anyone who does not fill the bill.

   Without the steadfast enduring presence that gives strength to God’s eternal promise that we are wanted for who He made us to be, our children find their reasons for achievement based in whether or not things “go their way”. This is because parents, as their parents and teachers had done, erringly rate and judge their husband or wife according to attitude, material possessions, and assessment of experiences, in a way where they can be proficient in feeding themselves at the expense of anyone who will support their own ideology about what it means to be successful.

   In the binding of un-sacrificing self-worth (founded in the terrors of inadequacy and self-loathing), craving leads to extortion that leads to protectionism that leads to craving, and so on… in counteractive disloyal decision making. This undermines God’s gifts and blessings we are praying to receive, through faith, in His promises connected to ours with our married partner.

   Consequently, there comes an emotional driving of positive over negative where it is thought punishment for wrong brings to one’s attitude a sense of right that must be adhered to for fear of consequences. “Time out” philosophies, and other isolation ‘therapies’ to force into stasis “bad behavior” in order to control the will, teaches the very manipulative battling against right over wrong we oppose, and entrenches the attempts to gain attention that caused the problem in the first place.

   Eventually, there comes a rejection of the self in a way where the blessings of living lose their appreciation. Companionship, spending time with people in a right way with respect to our responsibilities to God for their sake, and understanding that controlling behavior to teach right lessons is not the way of the Gospel of caring faith unto good works, will help alleviate many of the tensions formed by territorial battles of will.