The Twelve Keys

Imagine! We can actually make it work!

Philippians 4:4-13

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Twelve Keys Chart

   Taking the efforts necessary to sort out and overcome any general and particular relational mess we may be involved is very rewarding if done according to certain naturally designed principles. A person is not a hypocrite to embrace newly revealed truths about who he or she is with their spouse; while allowing who they thought they were, as separate, to perish.

   Marriage is the only legitimate bond of intimacy we have available to unlock God’s refinement of liberation over self-destructive unrestrained self-edification. The wed-lock He provides us to work and use has two particular slots for two particular keys that must be simultaneously and continuously operated in unison through loyalty in faith to trust Him through our partner. Each of these two keys to life in relationship are comprised of the twelve keys of marriage where the man key represents the spiritual aspect of marriage and the woman key represents the flesh aspect of marriage. As the two are literally one in Christ, each has the power and authority in Him to respectfully exercise all aspects of both keys.

   When there are problems of any magnitude or triviality the adversary lurks to use others in ways to cause betraying ideas of discouragement corresponding to a general self-defeating despair that we are too corrupt for God to pardon. However, disgust for human frailty in the fallen nature of the flesh, of each separately and both together, is openly recognized as nailed on the Cross, as we honestly process through living our moments of a day, with recognition to who we are in God’s joys of redemptive Resurrection in His Son. Thus, being together is not for the purposes of survival. That would cause a belief in independent protectionism when there are troubles and conflict. Survival is for being together.

   That way, troubles and conflicts can be seen for what they are as camaraderie transcends any differences. Self centered manipulative striving to be liked ignores natural liking in the risk of faith to be liked. But, it is the choice of a man or woman to like their mate based on their initial choice to marry. This allows the life-long vulnerability necessary for hope to expect good things. Joyful appreciation through empathy, and therefore mutual defense and protection against unpleasant situations, is found when a man likes his wife more than he does himself and when a woman likes her husband more than she does herself. In many pairings, because the world is a chaotic emotional minefield, trusting this way takes determination and practice.

   Interwoven with the shared promises a man and woman have with God, which they regard as applying their time to the working out of His will between them, are continuing revealed instructions specially adapted to their particular state of uncertainty natural livelihood conveys. Intentional loving attention, despite disagreements, based in the faithful senses of mutual respect for solving problems (that may be viewed as projects) allows encouragement in actively waiting patiently in the Christ assured faith that what was dark to their understanding would in due time and effort be made plain.

Below are the Twelve Keys to living success in marriage:


1  Choice

A man chooses his focus of motivation in putting his wife first by putting God first in all he does.

A woman chooses her focus of motivation in putting God first by putting her husband first in all she does.

Because each their bodies belong to the other, all separate and together decisions and activities are openly shared without screening right from wrong or ‘good’ from ‘bad’ so that cares and improvements can be realized. Children, (his, hers, and theirs as a case may be) are of their parents, but they are not one with their parents as they have their own place to find in life.

$ - When a man spends, he is spending his wife’s money. Likewise, when a woman spends, she is spending her husband’s money. Each has no money of their own for two reasons: 1) All that is belongs to God. 2) All that is theirs belongs to both husband and wife. Wages made, whether monetary or acquired assets, are the specific property of the spouse of the one who generated the income – while the woman is of the man and the man and woman, together, are of God.


2  Identity

Who a man and woman are to each other is God’s business and not the business of others.

Who others are to a man and woman is both their business unto God.

A determined acceptance and mutual respect for God’s grace through faith in doing as each wishes to do is the core of faithfulness.

$ - What a man and wife have represents God’s witness to others in their various circumstances throughout the tiers of social order. Considering worth of genuine love and devotion based in financial status makes an idol of the Gospel. Meanwhile, admiration for material blessings should be a respect for one’s own possibilities through faith with their spouse rather than a dogged determination to require success to compel respect and acceptance.


3  Position

A man protects his wife’s integrity by defending her influence, above other influences, unto God.

A woman protects her husband’s integrity by keeping his influence, above other influences, unto God.

Appreciating each other’s expressive experiences, for the sake of the other, provides emotional security.

$ - It has been said, “Time is money.” Employment can distort personal motivations by spinning off attentions from a spouse to a variety of tempting experiences. This often leads to doubt about shared goals and decisions where God’s reasons for marriage become muddled by self-focused activity driven incentives. Purposely remembering who one is as one with a married partner at all times, while involved in any activity with anyone, is accomplished with an ongoing “share everything no matter what with my husband/wife” policy. His experiences belong to her, her experiences belong to him; ultimately, everybody’s experiences, by default through God’s will in conformity with our committed position(s) unto others, belong to Christ.


4  Authority

A man’s natural given name is transformed by his unknown spiritual name in Christ through faith.

A woman’s spiritual name is one and the same as her husband’s through faith in him in Christ.

Integrity of active will in transparent honesty with a spouse finds gratitude in redemption for imperfections (behavioral difficulties) because of the permanence of vowed commitments to honor their shared name.

$ - A wedding ring signifies marriage under a name that signifies unity with purpose. Shelter, utilities, clothing, food, transportation, and entertainment, etc. hold a spirit of contribution to others in the name of God placed in the name of authority He gives to a marriage. At the point of purchase, in the name of God through one’s spouse, spending with an intercessory prayer blessing to sanctify the monies hand-to-hand journey, projects the unseen witness of God’s prosperity promises through to the end receiver. Zachariah 4:6 says, “Not by might (wealth), not by power (strength), but by My spirit, saith the Lord of hosts.”


5  Honor

Set aside one day each week to be together for being together. Resting, reflecting, and recreation, without the usual day to day endeavors for Christ’s sake, is a marriage Sabbath unto God.

$ - Each married couple’s chosen weekly Sabbath day considers no budgetary restraints as they consider that Christ is our Sabbath. Shared delight respecting each other without competitive demands to prove one’s self naturally provides specific purchase decision sensibilities. “Splurge in faith together…”, they say, “…God will supply!” can increase a sense of general thrift in daily living while granting a “partners in the crime of passion” spirit of wholesome shared aspirations to achieve.


6  Priority

A man will honor his parents’ expectations by putting his wife first in all things.

A woman will honor her parents’ expectations by putting her husband first in all things.

Respecting both families brought together as one extended family through marriage, a woman understands her family of origin, through faith possibilities, finds appreciation of the ‘new’ family with her husband as God’s avenue for her purposes in being. Ancestry, genealogic history, and family dynamics can be appreciated for what they are, but authority through a name always takes priority over blood – because the Blood of Christ covers all in His Name through His Word.

$ - As our parents represent living, through our existence because of their actions in existence, faith in actions of togetherness based in the eternal promise from God to everyone in Christ is ours to take hold, because it was our parent’s to take hold. God’s melding of a man and woman in His gift of married promise lifts the two as one into His spirit of creative outflow (the created family choice of parents by and of the creation of God by nature) – His Holy Spirit of Truth of the Word. Prosperity is found in a man and woman of marriage putting their own shared decisions unto God, in the stead of from their parents unto God for their sake, where there is no other authority between a married couple and God.

Unseen faithful agreement of the word in respect for authority must not follow but always lead, and continue to lead, physical action. “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” is not speaking about physical living arrangements as much as it means: A man and his wife’s joint choice of will to mature must leave the overseeing will of their parents’ intent to lead, in order to trust in God through Christ to lead their dependence from under parental authority into an independent co-dependence in Him.


7  Defense

A man condemns destructive threats to his marriage, from others, to lead his wife into better ways.

A woman retains constructive harmony in her marriage, to others, to lead her husband into better ways.

Avoiding revenge against who a marriage partner is in Christ comes precisely where taking revenge against others’ exploitations of a man and woman’s shortcomings is required – while upholding others’ call of the Gospel. Revenge against situations and circumstances can rebuke dark forces to recede and uplift presumptuous over-attentive other people out and away from the marriage bond.

$ - Emotionally terroristic thieves in the form of needy relatives, friends, and strangers are the most destructive strain a positively productive marriage can suffer. Everyone has God given rights as human beings to think more of themselves in being openly honest to whom they are committed to depend, within His ways for health and well being. Drawing a man’s attentions away from his wife’s desires and expectations, and/or drawing a woman’s attentions away from her husband’s desires and expectations, is the wedge driving anti-christ influence undermining everyone’s life giving liberty, happiness, and prosperity through faith in Christ our entire population is created to maintain.


8  Privacy

A man’s privacy is in God’s kingdom for his wife’s and children’s security and he has no jurisdiction into another woman’s personal desires.

A woman’s privacy is in her husband’s kingdom for their children’s security and she has no jurisdiction into another man’s desires.

As imperfect people must associate day to day in society, there are times when infractions of loyalty will occur.  This is where inconsistent acts of inclusion from others into a marriage will find consistent exclusion out from a marriage by faithful adherence to God’s sure promises of redemption. God is a God of reconciliation, in upholding His own Name and Word of promise, to overcome the divide and conquer methods of adversity.

$ - From time to time, every day stresses and pressures cause cravings to attain things of delightful interest - and urges to engage in pleasurable activities. Secretly spending on individual impulses and compulsions feels unfair to honesty with one’s mate who is expecting companionship. Realizing neither the husband nor wife is perfectly who they are in Christ, gives to us the freedom in His grace and mercy to lovingly tolerate errors... as long as the errors is simply not hidden (more appropriately lovingly shared). Acceptance of a mate, as the moments of days go by, is founded in the all encompassing mutual promises to “have and to hold” and embraces, rather than casts aside, a mate in the midst of his or her difficulties. His spending is her expense and her spending is his expense to responsibly appreciate because of who they are – not because of what they do.


9 Will

What a man has, starting with his mostly unknowable position unto God in Christ’s Kingdom, belongs to his wife and what a woman has belongs to her husband. A forthright man and woman, married or not, determines to not take anything from anyone without honestly offered permission.

Satisfaction in empathy for others is where a man and woman choose to marry for a husband and a wife, respectively, and not to steal, in word or deed, any man or woman’s chaste character in Christ, no matter their level of assumed personal corruption. Everyone has the gift of natural yearning for trust in faith unto God in marriage while retaining personal will. Taunting desire through confusion about needs may draw a man or woman into misplaced emotional hunger.

$ - God fashioned a man for carrying his wife no matter what. He fashioned a woman to be carried by her husband no matter what. In work, a couple will assist each other knowing God honors their loyalty as faith in action. Ideally they will have two, and no privately hidden, bank accounts. The first account is a husband and wife’s joint account while the second is a wife’s personal account. The woman decides how much of her income she wishes to deposit along with her husband’s income in their joint account. The man only spends from their joint account through decisions made with his wife and may spend from his wife’s account as he wishes without shared decision – as long as he keeps his wife informed of his spending from her account. The woman spends from their joint account through decisions made with her husband, and may also spend from their joint account and her personal account without shared decision – as long as she keeps her husband informed of her spending from both accounts.


10  Empathy

A man, as his wife is one with him, takes his concerns about the ills of others through faith to Jesus Christ in prayer before God and shares his decisions about matters with his wife.

A woman, as her husband is one with her, takes her concerns about the ills of others in faith to her husband through Jesus Christ, in prayer before God and shares her decisions about matters with her husband.

Open communication between husband and wife, without fear of retaliation, allows them to respect their own privacy against others. Joint decisions in marriage are not the territory of others unless the husband and wife, together, take a matter before another for resolution. Any jumping to conclusions by others not of the marriage, including any close family members and friends, is disrespectful intrusion without warrant – no matter how convinced they are of their position(s).

$ - Accumulated vacant minded overspending, general economic hardship, and flagrantly indulgent credit abuse are part of everyone’s materialistic yearnings, though not acted upon by some and impulsively championed by others. In a parasitic social economy where profits take precedent over people, because the public monetary standard is backed by production vs. spending as opposed to tangible savings and accrued equity, there is a shameful fear of discovery that comes with debt.

When we make a purchase, we know that someone, somewhere, is hopefully getting paid. As they do, there is a collective chance that someone will be buying our goods or services. Connecting this with faith that God is in heaven above can give to us the confidence to lovingly share our indiscretions, whatever they are, with our spouse who is part of who we are. Knowledge, or assumed knowledge, of matters individually held in “tactful silence” as if private prayer to God negates honestly working things through increases frustration, suspicion, and resentment against God’s expressive expectations.


11  Loyalty

A man and woman recognize, through their strength of faith in Christ unto God, their desire for their mate includes all their possessions (material and otherwise), and supersedes interests in other men’s and women’s possessions and ways of being. This is realized in appreciating God’s witness of blessing over the lives of others combined with understanding that God is ever mindful of any unique and particular concerns.

The varying strengths and weaknesses of a working marriage in progress are not subject to the needs and desires of any other involved family members, neighbors, organized church pastors, work associates, others, and/or any children a man and woman are responsible to rear. “Just happened that way!” con game manipulations are an increasingly ingrained habit in our society. Our neighbors (anyone who is a citizen of our country) most likely are not functionally aware, even in their limited education from organized Christian churches bent on profiteering through emotional extortion, that internal jealousies, envies, and yearnings to overcome loneliness, is due to separation from understanding  their purposes for a man and woman’s living authority  in Christ.

$ -  Most people have difficulty determining the differences between instinctually material desires to become who they think they wish to be in possessing what they believe others have, and respect for the example to succeed the witness of other’s blessings are - even when the blessed others do not realize their own positive witness. Helping others with things they need to do, when they ask for help and if we are sensibly able to help, is much more valuable and surprisingly appreciated than throwing money at a situation. Extending money, goods, or services to others must never take priority in placing overload stresses against marriage unity. This is kept at minimum by husbands and wives enthusiastically being immersed in each other’s business.


12  Satisfaction

A man understands his steadfast commitment of loyalty to his wife represents his love for her.

A woman understands her steadfast acceptance of her place with her husband represents her love for him.

No matter how successful either a husband and/or wife are in representing their love for their spouse, God’s mercy endures forever for each of their sake together in His Son Jesus Christ – according to the matrimonial vows of commitment. As the power of His faith in His own Word was sufficient to see Him through the Cross in behalf of everyone, the same power of Victory over all anyone may encounter in adversity to married bliss exists at all times through His Resurrection.

$ - Nobody can tell the value of a soul. Luke 9:23 says, “And He was saying, unto all, If any one intends after Me to come; Let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and be following me.”  In essence, a husband carries his wife’s cross along with his own, while a wife carries her husband’s cross within her husband’s responsibility for them both – as Christ carries the marriage into His Victory. This allows him to be responsible by choice, as well as allowing her responsibility to be by choice, as together their living promises continue to daily re-establish the wedding vow - unto God in response to His promises to them.

   Taken as a whole, the stable standard a married man and woman can consistently count on when faced with ‘should I or shouldn’t I’ in daily conversations and/or activities he or she is faced with deciding is: “Am I willing to openly share this with my husband or wife?” If not, and decisions are made contrary to that standard, the wedding vows combined with God’s merciful grace through Christ are generously sufficient to allow such subsequent disclosure for the value of His Name’s sake if nothing else.

   One of the most wonderful ‘symptoms’ of truth is it removes all excuses; it puts defensive posturing fully in His paid-in-full responsibility. He knows what to do with it all as we trust Him through trusting each other. That is why God is a God of reconciliation. That is why the wedding vows say what they do. And, that is why jumping to conclusions in self-defense, as an alternative to sharing the reasons of why any positive or negative may be an issue, loses its sense of grit.

   Over and above what people try to force themselves into believing, God is real and His ways are more solid and dependable than people's ways are. No matter what anybody’s particular or collective circumstances, everybody belongs to God. We are spirit beings, with unseen spirit bodies, that inhabit flesh-being bodies. The Bible says marriage is patterned after the church unto Christ where the man holds the position of Christ to his wife who represents the church. Demonic beings, commonly called fallen angels or demons, were never created to inhabit flesh bodies like people do - but they stole their way into peoples’ living.

   A faithful man, considering situations before him, cannot put himself into a position where his wife has no place open with him for her to receive. It is a shame so many people think the lies they believe about married men and women, and the state of affairs involved in living, warrant their being separate from each other in purpose and deed because of circumstantial logistics – including passionate perceptions of self-willed independence. If they did follow their ideas to "be independent and self motivated to live their respective lives to each their own", similar to a business partnership, it would be counterproductive to the avenues of acceptance and unity marriage vows unto God promise.

   Free willed free association relations, without decision restrictions relegated to one’s spouse, folds responsibility’s reasons into others' desires. When experiential sensations are the reasons for doing, the reasons for the experiential sensations as natural blessings for respect, dignity, and honor found in mutually exclusive trust in companionship… are lost. To live life in the consuming ways of our throwaway society is an attempt to feed an ever increasing hunger. Healthy, fulfilling, and satisfying commitment is realized in purposefully extending our cares to show our spouse they matter and are wanted - just as our awareness of being alive is an ever-present reminder that God cares for us.

   It is similar to sorting through rummage to prepare for a garage sale. Some people mainly look for things to keep while other people mainly look for things to throw away. Searching for useful items to price considers the beneficial contribution for the qualities of living, with the monetary value an aside to sharing personal interest. On the other hand, searching for refuse to discard will result in remaining useful items to price, but the direction of focus centers in the monetary value of the sale without respecting, as a main concern, a customer’s thrill in finding purchase bargains.

   When we are happy with money, when our emotional sense of security rests in spending, we use circumstances and people as tools to get it. When we are happy with circumstances, when our emotional sense of security rests in events and experiences, we use people and money as tools to get the experience. Any continuing way needs at the least three supporting aspects to thrive. So, the connecting dynamic sources between circumstantial events and money, and money and circumstantial events, are people.

   The penchant for putting money and circumstances ahead of people, because people are thought of as the means, gives the distorted perception that money and circumstances are less usable as tools than people. Behind the pretense, since it is recognized people are created in the likeness of God, is a hidden belief that God Himself is creating avenues for us to use those around us to please Him in what we can acquire and accomplish for ourselves as a right to enjoy living.

   However, when we are happy with people, when our emotional sense of security rests in our gratitude there are people who love us no matter the circumstances and/or cost, we realize companionship comes without motive and price. We are glad, then, to trust God together in our mutually respectful victory in our freedom by promise in Him; to love with unyielding devotion through thick and thin, through peace and war, through hardship and bounty – through it all.

   All things in the world that are not in the will of God are the same patterns of original sin because the falling away from life is from the same source. (lest we forget, the will of God is for us to respect and honor our promises with respect to the positions of authority in God our loved ones have – marriage decisions and permissions taking the highest priority in all aspects of physical life amid relationships) That is because original sin in the Garden of Eden was that Eve was tempted to listen to the Serpent instead of Adam her husband.

   Marriage means a man and woman make decisions together. The most often repeated scripture in the Bible is concerning a man and woman being joined as one when they are married. In the spirit realm, God Himself melds the two spirit beings into one (just as Eve was part of Adam before God made the difference for Adam), while they, together, inhabit their separate flesh bodies. This is why the Bible specifically says, "The wife, over her own body hath not authority, but the husband, and in like manner, the husband also over his own body hath not authority, but the wife." For clarity, a man’s makeup of being consists of two parts spirit body and one part flesh body while a woman’s makeup of being consists of one part spirit body and two parts flesh body.

   As the hours and days go by, honoring marriage with patience, long suffering, and faith that others' wills will connect with the faith it takes to bring things around is precisely where most of us balk when things do not go “our way”. According to the Bible’s witness, whatever is done to a woman is done to her husband, and whatever is done to a man is done to his wife. That means: When someone works to cause a woman to go against her husband (including herself), they are causing her to go against herself. And, when someone works to cause a man to go against his wife, they are causing him to go against himself. Consequently, anyone that works to keep a man and woman separate from being together, and working together to succeed, is working against themselves.

   No matter if anyone believes it or not, God did not design anyone to be autonomous and self sufficient. Anyone that “lives unto themselves” is a defeated person where someone, somewhere, repeatedly told them they were not wanted by instilling in them a superior attitude to compensate for their own lack of faith in God as our source of acceptance and loving-kindness. These people become users of others, rather than helpers, because they haven’t learned to give without expecting to get. Forming one's personal ideology based in what one stands against causes scattered non-specific choices in what one does. When we choose what we do based in what we accept, instead of what we reject, we are able to establish stability.

   There is a difference between holding a grudge and standing up for what is right. Holding a grudge condemns a person as responsible for a situation and creates adverse separations founded in the flight vs. fight emotional instincts of those involved. Standing up for what is right condemns a situation, but not the people, by requiring one’s self and others involved to honor who they are according to their responsible positions in marriage, family, work, and society. To combine holding grudges with necessary restraints against circumstances to eliminate, and “rise above” difficulties binds everyone involved to unproductive and faithless feuding. James 1:8 says, “A double minded (two souled) man is unstable in all his ways.” Generally, wherever people are, the primary stability in societies is the family where respect for marriage is the core stability all other things support.

   To hold distance, silence, and barriers against people who probe into conditionally altering the purposes and desires of a man and his wife (and their shared decisions concerning their children) is protecting the sanctity of God’s designs of witness, but it is not holding a grudge. Pitting a man against his wife and/or pitting a woman against her husband denies their single mindedness necessary to allow God to be God to the people whom have made their personal promises to Him. In cases where there is a second marriage, the “new” marriage must be honored with regard to Christ’s grace and mercy of forgiveness over the first marriage to up-build and support the second marriage in faith.

   Usually, people do not consider lines of demarcation that respect and uphold the personal right a man and woman have to decide, without outside influence, their own ways of dealing with the troubles and cares of living; and how the wider community is respected, for God’s sake, by not being involved in deriding a man and woman for the differences or troubles they have. Extending one’s will to intrude into the sanctity of a marriage, in order to control desired results from a couple, (or for any other reason) produces grudging anger that seeks to find self-justification (but, in turn, finds a low-life resentful-loathing-hatred) through denunciation, harassment, backbiting, etc.

   As people defend themselves to believe the world's ways of self determination - rugged independence - we still cannot, in the faith of our positions in life unto our love interests for God's sake "move on" through the "journey" of life as if people are cast away trash. Therefore, we must severely limit, in a positive structured way, the scope of decisions we make in order to honor our married partner’s place in making decisions with us - not against us as many people look for troubles to lift themselves above. Life’s stepping-stone pathway is for the sake of embracing goodness, not stomping against evil. If the stepping-stones for forward progress were in opposition to evil, the pathway would be headed toward darkness to “find the light”.

"If you don't know 'why', 'what' makes no sense."

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